Put another candle on the birthday cake

Okay, so you've seen the cake we wound up with... but let me tell you how the ordeal actually started.

Choosing the perfect cake for Elizabeth's party was quite an adventure. Tip: Always choose a cake decorator who speaks English. And perhaps was educated in America. And maybe even knows what a cake is.

We stopped by our local Tom Thumb (a goofy name for Vons) to see what the cake decorators in the bakery department could create for Elizabeth's party. Since she would be getting her first car, we wanted a car theme on the cake. We studied "the cake book" but it only offered us one choice of car design. From the movie CARS. Yep. That was our only choice. A big ol' goofy red car. And we had to go with it.

So we did, as long as they could make a few alterations.

Picture this:
The main car (sorry, don't know the car's name) speeding down a raceway with frosting exhaust shooting out the back of the little red car. To the left of the car was green grass and bushes with little picks with pictures of other cars from the movie sticking out of the frosting. To the right of the main car was white frosting with colorful confetti sprinkled all around. Those were supposed to be spectators. And some were waving flags. Very colorful. Very silly. Very NOT what we were looking for.

And neither was the 'cake consultant' a.k.a. decorator a.k.a. Tom Thumb employee who got stuck in that department for the day.

First... she couldn't find the car.

After tearing her bakery apart, she finally found it. Probably right where it should be. Rick asked her if she had any other cars, meaning, in different colors, other than bright red. She showed us lots of other cars, all bright red, all exactly like the one she was already holding. She proved though, that yes, she had others.

Begrudgingly, we decided to go with the little red car, but with some changes to the background on the cake. Ms. Cake Decorator had a hard time with that, though. Everytime I would make a suggestion she would say, "No, you won't like that." YES, I WOULD, OKAY?

She asked us what we wanted written on the cake. I said, "Finally!" - meaning Liz was finally getting her first car. Ms. Decorator said, "No, she won't like that." Ms. Decorator said we needed to say, 'Congratulations.' Ms. Decorator was already starting to irritate me.

Rick said, "Well, it is her birthday." Ms. Decor'r said that we had to say that and suggested, 'Happy Birthday and Congratulations.' Rick, sap that he is, agreed. He liked it. I hated it. There was no fun in that.

Ms. Decor'r asked how old she was - was she very young or teenaged?

I said, "Did you not hear me? She got her first car. I'm pretty sure that she isn't a young child."
Ms. D. glared at me and insisted a teenaged girl would love this design. I lost. Ms. D. won.

Next up, where to put the writing... Ms. Expert said it had to go on the black road that the car would sit on. It was too crowded there but Ms. Exp. said it would look best there. Rick asked for the writing go on the grass - there was much more room. I thought the expert was going to come unglued. But she relented, unhappily.

I couldn't stand the 'spectator box' and asked if we could make that grass or dirt as well. No deal. Ms. Expert said that there were too many colors on the cake already. And besides, she might not be the person decorating the cake and how on earth would she convey all this info to the person working the day I wanted the cake?

The fun part was yet to come... selecting the frosting flavors and filling. Oh and the size. We were first asked what size we wanted and before I could answer, Godzilla was yanking me to the existing cake case to show me the sizes. I said, "I already know. 1/2 sheet." Godzilla doubted that I really wanted one that big and told me 1/4 sheet would be better.

"How many will you feed?" she asked.
"12 or 15."
"Well, that's too big."
"Well, thanks for your concern, but I know that we'll want leftovers."

Grumpy shrugged her shoulders and wrote down 1/2 sheet.

"Do you want buttercream?"
Thinking she mean't for the filling, I said, "No, I want a fruit filling."
"I'm not talking about the filling. Do you want buttercream or whipped cream?"
"Oh."

Choosing a filling was almost as fun. I wanted a fruit filling but Stupid said that we would want buttercream. I almost had to wrestle her pen out of her hand to stop her from selecting buttercream for us.

"Can I have cream cheese?"
"No. You won't like it."

No point in arguing with her because I knew I would lose. I selected custard. Dopey wanted me to follow through with my original fruit choice.

We did survive our cake adventure.... knowing that Tom Thumb would probably not be creating this cake for us anyway. Kroger (fancy name for Ralph's) was just down the street. And besides, Cruella didn't work there.