Time to wrap up all of my Texan Reflections

Time to get outta Dodge... or more precisely, outta Texas.

But before I go, I want to share just a few more "southernisms..." with you.
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Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit... and that you don't HAVE 'em, you PITCH 'em...
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, & beans make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in, "Goin' to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, sweet stuff that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of comfort for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot, fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck and a good ol' boy.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when they're in line, they talk to everybody...
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South y'all is singular... all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know where grits come from and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee make a perfectly wonderful breakfast. They also know that 'red eye gravy' should be served with every breakfast...
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- they do not like their tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
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And to all y'all who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language.
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Okay, I give up. I ain't no southerner. And I probably never will be. Unless being from Southern California counts... and I kinda doubt that it does. Cuz there ain't nobody there that speaks like this... bless their hearts.
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